DEAR DEIDRE: I’M uneasy knowing my girlfriend still lives at her mum’s, and with her ex-boyfriend living there too, though she swears nothing is going on with him.
This arrangement was in place before we started dating.
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She says he is living with her mum to save for a deposit on a house, and that she and her ex split six years ago – but we all know romantic feelings can linger and ignite again.
She admitted he sometimes chills in her room with her.
This makes me very uncomfortable and I am thinking about breaking up with her.
I’m 35 and she’s 33. We’ve been together for six months.
She only came clean about this situation when we had been dating for a month.
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She has offered to move out from her mum’s because she can see how it is affecting me.
She’s suggested she move in with me, but I feel it is too soon.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a tough situation and potentially risky for you. If he’s living with her, he’s not really her ex. Exes have different addresses.
Either they are having separation issues, where one secretly hopes to reconcile, or they can’t be bothered to move on.
Find out how long the current arrangement will continue, and then make it clear what your limits are.
It wouldn’t be unreasonable to say you don’t want him to spend time in her bedroom anymore.
Could she share with a friend or rent a room somewhere?