DEAR DEIDRE: THE man I’ve fallen deeply in love with is too scared to be with me because his wife threatens to “crucify him” if he dares to leave.
He desperately wants to move in with me, but she says she would stop him from seeing his daughter and would take him to the cleaners.
He has been telling me for more than a year that he is planning to leave but nothing has changed.
I am 32 and my lover is 39. We met at work almost two years ago and almost immediately became the talk of the team.
The physical attraction between us is so strong and colleagues told me they could see a mile off we were made for each other.
When we first got together, he told me he was separated but after three months, I found out he still lives at home with his wife, who is 36, although they do live fairly separate lives.
They sleep in separate bedrooms and he works away all week, which is when we see each other. They have a daughter aged 12.
Apparently they have no sex life and haven’t for years. They don’t do anything together and he says his wife has lost all interest in him and only focuses on their daughter.
But he did let slip that they are planning to go away as a family at half-term.
He says he wants to leave so badly but he is terrified of how his wife might react.
She sounds like a control freak, insisting on having the password to his computer and phone.
He hasn’t told her about me but she regularly informs him that if he ever left her, she would ensure the rest of his life was a misery.
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How can I free him from this miserable situation?
I keep wondering whether to give him an ultimatum, or accept that he is stuck in an unhappy marriage and will always be too scared to leave.
I truly feel sorry for him but I want to build a life with someone. I am so lost.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are being used by this man to make his hollow marriage and non-existent sex life bearable.
It’s not fair on you but he will continue with the arrangement as long as it is on offer.
There is another lovely guy out there for you, but you won’t find him while you are having secret sex with a man who has no intention of leaving his wife.
My support pack, Your Lover Not Free?, will help you think this through.
Be brave and end the affair now. Block all contact with this man to help you move on.
It will take time for you to recover but the sooner you get the process under way, the sooner you will be able to move on with your life.