DEAR DEIDRE: I’M so desperate to win back my wife’s love I’ve offered to raise the baby she had from a one-night stand.
She’s 34, I’m 36 and we’ve been married for nine years.
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Like most couples, our sex life dried up after we had our sons, aged seven, five and two.
But there was plenty else that was good about our relationship. We enjoyed spending time together and rarely argued.
Plus, we have a lovely house and can afford a couple of nice holidays a year.
So God only knows why she decided to put all that at risk.
A couple of months ago I was getting some jobs done at home while everyone else was out.
I decided to finally paint the bathroom ceiling — my wife had been nagging me to do it for months.
But climbing on the step-ladder, I noticed there was a box on top of the bathroom cabinet. Inside was a pregnancy test, which was positive, and a picture of a scan.
Her face turned white when I told her what I’d found.
Apparently, I wasn’t giving her enough affection, and so when the new guy at work asked her out for a drink, she agreed.
They ended up getting drunk and going back to his for unprotected sex. I’m heartbroken.
She looked stunned when I suggested we bring the baby up as our own.
I still love her and want to be with her. Plus, it means we don’t have to break up the family.
She said she’d think about it.
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But now I’m wondering if this is such a good idea.
How will we explain it if this baby looks different to the rest of our kids? What if the dad wants to be involved?
DEIDRE SAYS: There are multiple things to consider here.
First, can you and your wife rebuild this relationship? Your wife will need to be just as committed as you.
Secondly, could you really accept this child as your own? There is a chance that they would remind you of your wife’s affair. Will you grow to resent them? This child is innocent and it would be unfair.
Thirdly, what would you tell your other children, wider family and friends? Secrets like this have a habit of coming out, so it would be wise to think through all eventualities.
There is a lot to consider and the foundation has to be that both you and your wife are determined to make this work.
If either of you wobble, someone is going to get even more hurt.
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