I found my partner in bed with her girlfriend – now she can’t decide between us


DEAR DEIDRE: DASHING home from a work trip to surprise my girlfriend for her birthday, I was ­devastated to discover she had organised her own party – with another woman in our bed.

I’m a guy of 30, she is 28 and we have been together for four years.


She has asked me to wait while she decides who she prefers

We teach at the same primary school and moved in with each other after a year.

We shared interests in cycling and cooking and things were good.

Then my girlfriend started running at a local sports club. She said the coach was wonderful.

She was 25 and what she didn’t know about running wasn’t worth knowing — she had her own business and was so experienced.

In fact, my wife never stopped going on about her.

She started going out three times a week because she was “totally into running” and she signed up for some half-marathons.

Looking back, I did think it strange she would sometimes take her sports kit off and put it back in the drawer rather than washing it.

It was as if she hadn’t work­ed up a sweat. Previously she had been constantly washing sports clothes.

A few times she showered before she went and sprayed perfume on herself.

I wondered if there was some male interest at the club but she told me, “It’s all women, babe. No men”.

I went away on a three-day conference but by day two, people were dropping like flies with a sickness bug, including three of the main speakers, so we left a day early.

I was delighted as it was my girlfriend’s birthday.

But when I got home and opened the bedroom door I found my girlfriend and another woman in bed.

I went straight to the pub to drown my sorrows.

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Eventually, I went home and she admitted she had been having an affair for two months.

She has asked me to wait while she decides who she prefers — her coach or me.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s certainly ideal that she works out her feelings, but don’t let her needs eclipse yours.

Make sure you are making your own decisions and not simply waiting to discover who she chooses.

It is possible to rebuild your relationship but she will need to accept she has to work to regain your trust and apologise properly.

She must demonstrate it’s over with this woman and, at the very least, find another running club.

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You both need some urgent help to see if you can recover from this.

I’m sending you my support pack on cheating, and you can find professional couples’ counselling through the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883 300).


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