I always rush into relationships and scare men away


DEAR DEIDRE: HOW do I learn to go with the flow when I meet a man?

As soon as I start talking to anyone, I want to know exactly what their intentions are.


I want to slow down but always put too much pressure on

I get all serious, putting so much pressure on them, it drives them away.

I want to slow down but can’t help myself.

Most of my relationships have been with people who are attached in one way or another.

I think it’s down to my past – my parents hated one another with a passion.

My mum had numerous affairs, but they never divorced.

I’m a 52-year-old single mother of two boys aged 15 and 18.

I can’t seem to get myself out of this rut, but I don’t want to be like this any more. I am so miserable.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Our ideas of what we expect from a relationship often come from our upbringing and are shaped by watching how our parents behaved.

Usually women who pick unavailable men are afraid of committing to a relationship.

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Pushing them away by becoming too intense, too soon, can be a defence mechanism when you’re afraid of getting hurt.

Talking to a ­counsellor would be helpful. My support pack How Counselling Helps explains.


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