DEAR DEIDRE: EVERYTHING my friend does irritates me. I just cannot find any common ground with her.
I am a 67-year-old gay man and my friend is 64.
We met in a local café almost 15 years ago.
She was so kind and helped me through a very difficult time when I was going through a divorce.
I think this is why I feel I owe her something. I live alone and no longer work.
My friend lives on her own too. We go out once a week but it’s always a chore.
She never offers to drive and has only once offered to pay towards my fuel.
She normally “forgets” her purse so I pick up the bill. She is also very loud and attracts a lot of unwanted attention when we’re out.
She is overbearing about everything and insists on having the radio volume turned up in the car and sings along out of tune.
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I’m totally exhausted after spending the day with her. Am I being harsh?
Should I just make myself unavailable or explain I’ve had enough of our meetings.
DEIDRE SAYS: You don’t have to stay friends with someone who makes you feel irritable simply to avoid upsetting them.
You don’t owe her anything, but if you decide to stop seeing her and she asks you why, I would always encourage a kind but fair response.
Say you don’t feel your friendship is working out but you wish her well.
My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, explains how to talk to her without causing offence.